Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I'm an Ogre, or an onion

I really am in a bit of shock after my doctor's appointment today.
Doc acts like its perfectly 'normal' to have shooting jabbing stabbing pain down my arm. At least for the whole two minutes he had to talk to me before leaving the room.

I'm just flabbergasted b/c my kids both did great, and now here I am feeling so stupid for going ahead with this rib resection, over-riding my own doubts.

Honestly, I feel my family sorta pressured me into the surgery b/c they were concerned for me and tired of my hurting all the time and just wanted me 'fixed'. But now instead of being fixed I'm just complicated!

The last thing I wanted to hear today from my doctor was that -"You're(I'm) an onion with layers of problems."
Yep, he actually said that to me.

Remember from the movie Shrek-

". . .Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers.
Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
-Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody likes onions."

I really do not know how to mentally deal with this. Instead of progressing and getting better I am feeling like my life is regressing.

My doctor is an old military surgeon, and sure he knows his stuff, but he almost has a suck it up attitude.
I dont have alot of suckitup in me, I'm a wimp.

I never figured being bent and twisted into my life plans.
It is what it is I suppose.

Might explain all the crying...ha.

All I can do is keep on keepin' on.